In the future we'll all be gay
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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