During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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