You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
