why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Randomize
