No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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