How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
