You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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