Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
