The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
