Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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