I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
