You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
