I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
