I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
