if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
