I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
