She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
