he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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