Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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