next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
