don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
