You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
