no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
