Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
