You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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