no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
