Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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