@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
