forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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