Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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