I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
