No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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