so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
