I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
