she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So many bounce houses so little time
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
