can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we should paint friendship bongs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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