Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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