White coat. Heels.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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