your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
