You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
