I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
