Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
