Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My life is pants optional.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
