If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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