Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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