Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I didn't notice because vodka
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
