I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize