I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize