I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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