she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well you can't waste a boner
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
