New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize