Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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