I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
