Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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