i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My underwear smells like fireworks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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