when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize