last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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