yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
