Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
