Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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