If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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