your parents love me but you hate me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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