she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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