I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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