apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we're making bets on your personal life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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