you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You ruined the universe
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
